When you’re trying to look good and people assume you’re doing it to impress your crush when actually you’re doing it just to impress yourself. Sometimes what people say to you tells a lot about what they are and what they think inside their head. I don’t know if they’re the one judging me for putting make up on my face or I’m the one judging them by their reactions.


Now I could really say that I’m having fun with my school. And by this, I really mean that I’m having fun. Being an irregular student doesn’t mean being alone. It somehow feels like you’re also regular, but your schedule is more fun and your classmates aren’t limited to certain faces. Having new friends is also very exciting for me since it’s been so long since I have widened my circle. I like my new friends, although the bond isn’t very comparable with my friends in highschool. They help me focus more on my studies. I also like most of my professors, and I find it good because naturally I’m a professor-complainant. When someone asks me how’s me in my school world, I’m thankful to reply that so far, so good.


But last night.. i don’t know. Maybe I was just off mood the whole day because of our nakakabugnot shopping experience. I was tired when I got home but I needed to prepare already for rehearsals, and I came late to our rehearsal, and I... i don’t know. My mood just becomes unexplainable when I’m with them, especially with the set of members who attended yesterday.


I find it hard to have two worlds: choir and school. I’m trying to recover the parts that I have lost in myself after suffocating myself with the choir world yet when everything goes better, one day or another I’ll find myself doubting again because I don’t feel like I’m improving when I’m with them. I sometimes think that maybe the problem is me, but I’ve thought of that enough and I just want to free myself from always being the wrong one. I just want to feel right about myself. Being with the choir or being with the wrong persons clearly doesn’t help.


I know someday everything will be a whole lot better. I will get comfortable. The members will change. I will change. I guess, this is not our time.


I don’t know.