I was having trouble in describing my feelings. I always do. I always over think and that causes a lot of complications. I think it’s not love, not as much as I feel for Chen. Because you two are different in some ways. But I like you, and it is the kind of like that has already reached its highest point. And this is crazy because I know I shouldn’t like you. I could, but I shouldn’t. I don’t want to like you, I know I have to stop because I might hurt someone else’s feelings. But these brain can’t stop thinking about you. You are this totally perfect guy, who has the cutest smile that can even melt a girl’s heart, who has this fun and unique personality that anyone can barely discover. And then there’s me, who’s really dorky and has a terrible, messy life. And I know I don’t deserve you. Even Chen. Because you’re too high to reach and I’m too obscure to be noticed. And that’s pathetic.

Now I think I’m feeling ambivalent. I hate you because you’re too perfect. I hate you because you’re too high to reach. I hate you because you’re so attractive and it makes everything so hard. I hate you because I can’t really get you out of my mind. I hate you because I really, really want you. I hate you because I like you so much and it’s really hard.

But every hate punches this kind of reality that I really like you. Yes. I like you so much that it really hurts me already.