I was frustrated. It was a great morning, deciding whether to go or not to go to our friends' gala. I thought that would be the only problem that I was going to have that day. Until I logged in my facebook account and a chatbox popped out. It was Tyra. I thought she's going to nag me again, updating some news for me about her poser account. I was having second thoughts again whether to answer her o just pretend to be idled. Few minutes later I decided to type some things as a reply for her. Up to my shock, she directly told me that I've been listed on Silver, 2nd Section. I was shock of course. I don't really like being second. I'm still have doubts about what she said, I was really assuring if she's serious or maybe, she's just playing a prank. But later on, I'm gradually believing her. It was really sad, I know. My heart's beating faster than normal. I was frustrated because I'm afraid my parents would get angry and disappointed. They'd think that I'm not doing well, while in fact I did my best to reach one of my goals - to be in the top section, Gold. I told Mom that I didn't make it. She's in bad mood and she's kind of disappointed for me. I'm starting to cry and my Mom's getting mad at me. Later in the afternoon, she told Dad and my Dad's blaming me as if I never did anything good. It was really heart-breaking, of course. My parents were kind of ashamed of me.. no I mean, they're really disappointed and kinda mad at me. I'm crying a bit during dinner. Okay, I'm weird. I know.
I'm asking God why, of all people who got in the Top List, why me? Why me, who really do want to be in Gold, fell on Silver despite of my high grades and early enrollment? Why me, who really wanted to learn something and to be challenged, fell on Silver with some freaky students? Why me, who really wanted to make my parents proud, fell on Silver despite of giving my best to make them satisfied? God knows how special for me, being in Gold. That always included on my prayers, but God didn't gave me that wish. I don't know, I know I deserve it, because I really had a hard time doing my best to enter that section. Questions keep entering my thoughts and my heart beats faster and faster without any certain cause. I'm nervous, afraid and really disappointed. But all I know is, I do trust God.
The next day, I begged for mom to accompany me on Monday and to please the registrar to move myself on another section. We have reasons, not just 'I wanted to' but to question them why they did it, although I have high grades and surely qualified. Whenever I talk to mom about that, I can't stop myself on crying. To the point that I can't breathe because of the pain inside me, inside my heart emotionally. I pity them, and I blame almost the whole world because of my lost. I don't even know why I take this seriously, and I think nobody understands why I care for this thing. But when I talk to mom, I can feel that she knows how disappointed I am, and she knows that I need comfort and ears to hear my emotions. She said she will do her best to reach my goal, because she believes in me. I realized how blessed I am for having a great mom like her.
This morning, we went to our school. It was really awkward and annoying because of the staffs. We pleased the registrar about the section thingy. I don't even know why people like them should exist in our world. They didn't even give mercy. They said I can't be moved because people would be mad if they notice something changed or moved in the list. I wanted to shout at them, I wanted to say everything I wanted to, but I can't speak a word because the pain inside me stops me from talking. My mom said everything she can, even excuses and untrue stories just to please them. But they never did. It ended up useless.
I didn't make it because of my teacher, in TLE. He always gave me below 85 even if I did really well in class. Because of him, I didn't enter the section I wanted to be in. He always block the way to my goals. I really hate him as much as he hated me and my classmates. I mean, I hated him more.
I have no choice but to be satisfied.
I don't know, I think I'm kind of happy now.
My mom's contented with me, maintaining my section. But I don't think dad's fine with it. He keeps on blaming me over and over again. But I have also no choice but to understand him, even if I know it's too hard.
God, I understand why. I knew the answers now. I just hope I could be happy with this school year. I don't want to suffer anymore with some fake friends and freaky teachers. This time, I wanted to enjoy and to be good for something. I know I can do it. Just guide me. I love you and I always trust you with all my life.
:)
I realized, the key to hapiness is to be contented with everything you have. Always wear a smile, and always look in the bright side. Trust God, He knows what's best for you.
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